So the votes are in...they've been counted. The question was asked to my FB friend list and the answers pored in. Here is the result:
Y'all are twisted as all hell.
Seriously, you couldn't pick the damn mariachi band option? Yeah sure, it's playing the traditional "Los Machetes" but the machete blades ain't sharp! Hell, even jousting was an option, getting my ass knocked off a horse, which is like...I don't know....16 feet tall? But no, you apparenly think it will be amusing for Bob to bleed. So, you have decided:
I learn to knife fight. And throw knives.
Now this option was interesting. Because several friends (all female) want to join in on the knife fighting training with me. Now I hope that it's because there's an ex somewhere that they want to share their newfound knowledge with. But a little part of me (same part that wanted mariachi) is thinking that there's a more sinister purpose for wanting to practice knife fighting WITH ME. For me to bleed. What the hell did I do? Never mind, don't answer that one. (In related news, comments should be disabled for this post.)
Now my male friends voted for knife fighting because of either an impending zombie invasion, because "it's ____ing cool" or because again, they want me to bleed. Seriously people? Do y'all hate me that much? Or are you just thinking that my face is too freaking gorgeous and you're jealous? Yeah, that must be it. Bob with facial scars or his eyebrow hanging near his lip might give you a chance. Thank god I didn't have learning MMA with my buddy Rob Sager as an option or I'd have to have plastic surgery.
So, knife fighting (and throwing) it is. I hope I'm better at throwing them, so I don't need to do the fighting part. But you've made the decision, so I best do the legwork. I've done a bit of research and there's several knife fighting instructors within 50 miles of DC. Almost all are (they claim) former SOF guys of one variation or another. But there's also an online academy in Arizona, a weekend class, and their website offered "a fully trained EMT on site during all training". Um....what? Mariachi does not require sutures! What the hell am I doing???
I'm tempted to video this whole experience. What do y'all think? Would it be a better reality TV show than meter maids or storage wars or bile duct blockage cams? You tell me in comments (enabled now). And if you want to change your vote for mariachi, it's only 4 votes behind. Just sayin.
